I'm a Lover Not a Fighter

"No one else 'makes us angry.' We make ourselves angry when we surrender control of our attitude. What someone else may have done is irrelevant. We choose, not they. They merely put our attitude to a test."

- Jim Rohn

 

One day I'm going to reach a point where I can have anger directed at me and not respond with anger.  I'll be able to keep my cool with zen-like control and understanding.  I'll be able to look past the angry words and raised voices to see the pain and confusion that exists underneath it all.  It's not that I won't feel anger, but I'll be able to handle it in a purposeful way instead of lashing out and/or bottling up my feelings.  I'm not there yet, though. 

 

I don't like who I become when I allow negative feelings to take over me.  When I feel attacked, I act like a victim.  My ego completely takes over.  I lose sight of what really matters.  Being right becomes more important than being aware.    Basically, I allow factors outside of my control to dictate how I feel and how I behave.  And this goes against everything that I've learned about spiritual and emotional health.  
  
So, should I just condemn anger?  Or never stand up for myself?  That doesn't feel right either.  We must acknowledge all of our feelings.  
  
Consider the following excerpt from Health and Happiness Boosters: 
  

"At every given moment, we have a jetstream of feelings operating below our conscious awareness.  By bringing those feelings into consciousness, we begin to acquaint ourselves more fully with our deeper selves, and increase our capacity for joy by experiencing the full range of our feelings.  For if we cut ourselves off from any feeling, we cut ourselves off from the capacity to feel all others as well.  To truly know our joy, we must also know our anger, our sadness."

  
So, how do I acknowledge anger without allowing it to take over?  I'm still figuring it out.  My intention is to always speak with purpose - whether the discussion is contentious or not.  Does getting loud and angry make someone appear stronger, tougher?  Maybe to those who are only observing the surface.  But sustainable strength lies in quiet concentration and focused intention.  Art of War, anyone?  The more I see someone ranting and raving, the more foolish they appear to me.  
  
Here are a couple of the tactics I'm working on to control my anger: 
  
Detachment - When confronted or tested, step outside of yourself and the situation to view what's really going on.  Our egos tell us that if we are being yelled at or disrespected, then we must retaliate or lose credibility.  We must realize that staying calm and intelligent in heated situations is a virtue that is self-preserving and powerful. 
  
Self-Talk - Typically when we're reacting in anger, our self-talk goes something like this:  "WTF?  Who does he/she think they are, talking to me like that?  Are they crazy?  It's not my fault!  You're lying!  You're not listening to me!  You hurt me!  You're full of s**t!"   All of these defensive thoughts fuel our anger.  The following thoughts would help to calm us down:  "I can't control what someone else does or says.  I'm strong enough to deflect negativity. I can communicate my feelings without acting out. I can better maintain my power by staying even tempered and thoughtful.  And finally, WWJD?!?!"   (That final thought there stops me from doing A LOT of self-destructive things! Just sayin!) 
  
I read somewhere that "...the more you know who you are and what you want, the less you let things upset you."   What do you think?    How do you handle/diffuse anger?  Do you think it's necessary to be loud and aggressive to exert your power?  I'd love to hear your thoughts.

~ posted by GG

Still a work in progress

For Freedom Not For Beauty

For Freedom Not For Beauty

There’s a beauty that lives so deep inside each of us.

There’s a fickle eye that doesn’t believe anything it sees.

There’s a benefit in love that erases all doubt and believes good intentions.

There’s an ear that isn’t free enough to give the honest man the benefit of the doubt cluttered by lies not-mentioned.

Since when is creativity subject to criticism?

When is honesty subject to a jury of fears who wouldn’t believe rain if it fell, or sun if it shined?

Sometimes a flower grows when no ones watching.

Sometimes a bird sings and no one hears.

There’s a meadow no one runs on and a cloud no one names.

And what would the sky be with out the sun?

What would the earth be with out its rose?

They’d still be the sky and the Earth.

So perhaps there is a peace in becoming.

Perhaps the meaning is in the experience and not the sight.

Maybe a flower grows because it suffocates under ground.

Whether or not she is always noticed, beauty must become.

She doesn’t look for an eye.

She doesn’t listen for a voice.

She just becomes,

For Freedom Not For Beauty

-Chrisette Michele

Still a work in progress

New Video: Tyrese 'Stay'

I love this song and the story behind it. I figured I'd share this with you. I will definitely be getting this CD when it comes out - 11.1.11

Still a work in progress

Self-Concept: New respect

Curly Nikki Natural Hair Styles and Curly Hair Care: Self- Concept Thursday: On Callings, Careers, and Masterclasses by Carmen of God, Men, and Money “If I was going to be successful, I had to be successful as ...



Still a work in progress

What? Wkd's Over Already?

I had a very busy weekend - shopping, baby shower, hair, and studying. Did not get half of the things accomplished that I had set out to do.  That's okay though. I'll catch up this week.

At least I was able to take a couple of really nice pictures.

My sister and I went to our cousin's Post-arrival Baby Shower. Isn't she gorgeous?

Still a work in progress

Ain't I a Woman?

Well, children, when there is no much racket there must be something out of kilter. I that 'twist the negros of the South and the women at the North, all talking about rights, the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this here talking about?

That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifter over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody ever helps me into carriages, or over mud-puddles, o gives me any best place! And ain't I a woman? Look at me! Look at my arm! I have ploughed and planted, and gathered into barns, and not man could head me! And ain't I a woman! I could work as much and eat as much as a man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne thirteen children, ans seen most all off to slavery, and when I cried out with my mother's grief, non but Jesus heard me! And ain't I a woman?

Then they talk about this thing in the head; what's this they call it? Intellect? That's it, honey. What's that got to do with women's rights or negroes rights? If my cup won't but hold a pint, and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half measure full?

Then that little man in black there, he says women can't have as much rights as men, 'cause Christ wasn't a woman! Where did your Christ come from? Where did your Christ come from? From God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with Him.

If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back, and get it right side up again! And now they is asking to do it again, the men better let them.

Obliged to you for hearing me, and now old Sojourner ain't got nothing more to say,

- by Sojourner Truth



Still a work in progress

Didn't Realize

I didn't realize I needed that apology until I got one.

Growth - Progression - Enlightenment

All things needed to move forward. Had no idea I was allowing that to hold me back. My eyes have an extra twinkle in them tonight.

Transformation

Steadily becoming a new woman. Seeing myself with once blinded eyes. I am proud of what's in front of me.

Growth I've had - Changes I've made



-- Still a work in progress

Braided up do

My hair has been natural for a minute now (since October 2010). I have been busy with school so I decided to do a protective style (braids) for a while to keep my hands out of my head while I devote time to my studies.

The braids are braided all the way to the ends about a couple of inches down my back. I did an up-do because I was tired of the burned ends scratching my neck. I like this style. I will definitely be rocking this hair-do to work and class.



Decided to do some braids. This is what is looked like up.

Side view. 

Back view. 

Still a work in progress...

Until then

What do I have to offer you?
Or you, me?
I do not want to be in a relationship just for the sake of being in a relationship.
Not just complimenting each other but bettering each other?
I want to look forward to seeing and hearing you and just being in your presence,
Even when I can't stand you.

I want to show my love for you to you.
But I want you to do the same for me
Not because I want you to but because you want to
Feel the need to

Until then, I will love and enjoy being me
Treating myself as I should be treated
In preparation for you
Learning what I want and deserve
Readying myself to be for you who you deserve

Admission of Guilt

Sometimes its hard for us to admit to ourselves what we've done to contribute to being were we are in our lives. We want to blame that idiot that got the job over us, that person who cut us off while we were driving, or even whatever it was that made us late for a very important meeting. We neglect to acknowledge the faults of ourselves.

I have a cousin who says that basically the world is against them. The teacher didn't like 'em or the principal wanted to make an example out of them. What happened to admitting that you messed up too? Everything that happens does so because something else happened first.

I acknowledge my faults. I know what I have done to get from point A to point B. Even though my journey has not gone as planned, I have grown and learned a lot from every turn.

Once we all acknowledge our faults, maybe we can learn from them and then even appreciate them. Our faults are learning experiences that have the potential to make us better. I am a better person for all of my faults which I acknowledge and appreciate.

Beautifully flawed makes me perfectly me. I am beautiful because of my flaws. 

Beauty is a Journey, Not a Destination

"As you become more intimate with your authentic self - as you recover your true, incandescent identity - there will come a gradual but undeniable physical transformation. It is absolutely impossible to commit to your spiritual growth, awaken to your own radian Light and not have it reveal itself on the outside."

** Sarah Ban Breathnach